Damn, criminals are stupid.
And, so it turns out, are quite a few police.
Let me clean this up by saying they are both human. Very human. And that human nature is expertly exposed by the creative team on the new Paramount Plus six-part series The Gold.
Based on the 1983 accidental purloining of three tons of pure gold, the series starts with the stupid criminals breaking into the Mats-Brinks security center. They are on the hunt for one million English Pounds in Pesetas. They don't find it.
But they do find twenty-six million English Pounds of .999 pure gold bars. Before figuring out how best to cash in on their good fortune, these six grade school drop-outs take the gold.
Then try to figure out how to fence it.
Not a great methodology.
In about a minute-and-a-half all six are rounded up by Inspector Boyce (The always solid Hugh Bonneville) who takes two episodes to determine having the thieves ain't the end of the job. No. They also, lightbulb moment, HAVE TO FIND THE GOLD.
Which has disappeared from the 5A-Rent-A-Space used by those half-a-dozen dopes to "hide" the stash. Where did it go? Who could move three tons (That's 6000 pounds for those of you who attended public school in America) of such a commodity so soon after the arrest of the Short Bus Six?
Enter Kenneth Noye (Jack Lowden of Slow Horses), a fence PROTECTED by the Kent Police Force. Noye engages the services of six additional stooges in order to disseminate the gold into and out of the varied channels of money laundering, property flipping, Swiss bank account sequestering, and fraudulent investing.
The series is only through episode three, and neither of the opponents is looking like Usain Bolt.
And given the co-dependent lack of mental skills by the two sides, this race to find the precious metal before it turns into high rise condominiums on the London Waterfront; retail product on the open market; and way too much cash for anyone this cranially-challenged will include several pratfalls, banana peels, and self-inflicted shots to the feet.
Guaranteed.
Paramount Plus