THE TITULAR KANGAROO!
And now, the Kangaroo!
Mead, the client from the Chimpanzee spot, was and is a purveyor of school and office supplies. A somewhat consistent client of Big City Films, Steve directed a slew of their spots from the mid-80’s through the early 90’s.
Their ad agency, Fallon-McGelligot, seemed fascinated by the use of animals in their spots. If you’re talking about Golden Retrievers that’s one thing. However, this particular bunch of Madison Avenue sociopaths seemed to revel in exposing young children to every carnivore in the animal registry.
As mentioned previously, chimps (and the pygmy bulls) were part of this agency’s creative POV for their school supply client. The previously discussed donkey can be attributed to Fallon-McGelligot’s coffee company client. The donkey’s only transgression necessitated a tetanus shot for Gregg Rosinsky, but at least it didn’t take a bite out of him. Gregg escaped further injury when it came to The Marsupial Conundrum as I called the next animal adventure.
The day the Kangaroo storyboard came across Pat’s desk started with the usual hysteria by the staff. The set-building department decided to install a buzz-saw just outside the production bullpen. This led to a lot of conversations as follows:
“Turn off the F&$KING buzz-saw!”
“What?!”
Etcetera.
The bullpen had 37 chain smokers sharing nine phones. Remember this is the mid-80s. Prior to a tobacco clampdown reminiscent of Covid lockdowns, lighting up a Marlboro did not get you stuffed into a duffel bag and beaten with a pipe wrench the way it does now. However, it did make for an uncomfortable smell.
Additionally, the abundance of talented Type AAA line producers who worked at Big City Films had the migraine-invoking habit of requesting tens of thousands of dollars in petty cash at 9:01am and then repeatedly asking for it (While stubbing out their 18th cigarette of the morning) starting at 9:02am . . . and every minute thereafter until it appeared in their nicotine-stained hands.
Plenty of other drama ensued including the print department’s daily refusal to give up one of the photography studios for a six-figure film job, because they were shooting some $1.98 pro-bono thing that one of the Whiny God King Photographers had thought of while catching their 60th showing of the same stupid Lina Wertmuller film.
****
With this as a backdrop, Pat perused the boards, and turned to me.
Pat: “George, find out where we can get a kangaroo and
what it would take to get it to Big City. Oh, and how soon
we can get it here. Very important, because—”
Me: “Yes, the agency is on a tight delivery schedule, even
though they’ve known about the spot for six years.”
Pat: “Is that how it’s going to be today?”
Me: “Sorry, I added that last part myself.”
Crocodile Dundee had come out in theaters that year and even prior to that Paul Hogan was all the rage in those “Shrimp on the Barbie” commercials, so I started the research by phoning the studio which produced the film. Warner Brothers produced Crocodile Dundee. I did the usual dialing. And after talking my way past several gatekeepers, I got the production supervisor on the phone. A side note, Hollywood is extremely “helpful” in these matters.
Warner Brothers: “Who is this?”
Me: “My name is George Young. I work for Big City Films in
New York City. I’m trying to locate the animal wrangling company
on your fabulous (Flattery works with these people) feature,
Crocodile Dundee.”
Warner Brothers: “For what purpose?”
Me: “Animal wrangling?”
Warner Brothers: “I’m going to need more information.”
I took him through the board. When we finished, the brilliant exchange of information continue.
Warner Brothers: “In case you don’t remember, there
were no kangaroos in Dundee (Hollywood loves inside baseball names).”
Me: “Really?”
Warner Brothers: “Did you really even watch Dundee?”
Me: “Several times. I love the part where Mick—”
Warner Brothers: “I don’t think I can help you.”
Me: “Okay, look. You were in Australia. You were in the outback. You filmed a water buffalo and a crocodile, and a whole buncha other animals, obviously with some sort of control. All I want is the vendor. I’ll go out on the proverbial limb here, but I’ll bet they’ve run across a kangaroo or two in their work in Australia, which I know for a fact, has a few marsupials on the continent.”
He laughed and gave me the contact.
Turns out there is a kangaroo available for film work in the United States. In Florida. In order to get it to New York City, it has to be shipped by trailer across Georgia, North and South Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Delaware, and New Jersey into New York.
It requires customs paperwork for all eight state lines, because a kangaroo is classified as a wild animal.
I did some rudimentary research on the kangaroo’s availability and the timetable. I also retrieved paperwork from New Jersey and New York customs. Hard copies. No internet. Had to get in a cab and go to the customs office in New York City. They had New Jersey’s forms as well.
Constructed during the Inquisition, the customs office is a four floor testament to the beauty and efficiency of the Soviet Union. Upon my return to the office, sheaves of paperwork preceded me through the door of Big City Films, and just after I passed over the threshold and inside, the pleasant tones of Carol Turley, line producer non-pareil, greeted me with her 358th request for petty cash, it being 3:00pm.
Ignoring her, I pressed onto the sanctuary of the mezzanine, the fishbowl that overlooked the main floor studio and housed the offices of Pat Dorfman, me, and Chris Whalen, the production accountant. An entire 50 feet from the bullpen, it did offer some relief from the buzz saw and the chain smokers. I broke the news to Pat.
Pat: “A wild animal!?”
Me: “Uh, yes. According to what I’ve read, they have a tendency to kick anything that gets close to them, including other kangaroos.”
Pat: “Hard?”
Me: “Have you seen a kangaroo? They’re essentially a Maltese on top of Godzilla’s legs.”
Pat: “We can’t have a wild animal on set with children.”
Me: “Did you forget about the chimpanzees and pygmy bulls?”
Pat: “We can’t have a wild animal on set with children again.”
Me: “Darn, and I was looking forward to filling out all this
paperwork.”
Pat: “Let me call the agency.”
TOMORROW: THE KANGAROO, UH, ARRIVES?
Comments